lonelythoughts's Blog

over it

i need to tell him or get over it! the answer is pretty simple. dont know why i am being a whiny little b*tch haha!! eurghhhh

he just revealed everything! what an idiot haha but it all went down well.

i am so bad at keeping focused, procrastination is my forté oh dear oh dear!


it hurts

i wanna kiss him so badly. 

steal my sunshine

whatta tune! takes me right back to the time when nothing mattered to me, when i didnt have a care in the world, everything was perfect. the hardest part was fear of missing out on something. oh to be young and naive again, just one more time. alas, that time will never come again. i am glad i was blessed enough to enjoy it. 
made up a language today
how sad. :|  XD

it was average, the day dragged, i didnt enjoy it unfortunately, hopefully i will live long enough to experience another good day. i feel like im falling behind in the race for life. what is life, why are people racing for it? i wanna stroll through and enjoy the scenery. sad sad sad. its a mad world.

another day over

woahh and the day is done just like that!
now i fill my time and wait for tomorrow! how monotonous
how strange. music is my escape. any one else?
i dont like noise. i like music or silence. 
anything else irritates me. 

today i got soakkkkedddddddddddd in the rain!! EW EW it was so disgusting. everything smells of damp 

hopefully tomorrow will be a little different! i highly doubt that. 
positivity is key. posivity will make tomorrow better even if it is like today!


and today was a day just like any other. 

it was a good day. a good regular day. these do not come around very often. i didnt do much, it wasnt very productive but it was good. just good. i like good. spent it with some of my favourtie people and it was good. what more can i ask for really? i hope another good day comes around soon, but not too soon.
i hope i dont run out of time for another good day like that boy who got hit by a speeding a car right infront of my eyes. never heard a more chilling sound. i felt hollow for that moment. then i drank to forget-what a cliché i am, but it worked. i forgot until i woke up. then it was shit again.
then today happened, a good day. dont wish away the time. i tend to wish away the time in the hope that the future will be better. but its not. not right now anyway. 


its all a bit weird

its strange i dont know any of you in real life and none of you know me in real life either. we could have passed in each other in the street and we would never have even known. the fact that people that read this know what goes on inside my head from time to time is a very weird thought. i am glad that you guys dont know me though. i am glad. 


and i cant help falling in love with you

haha oops!

i need to get a grip!
from reading my past few blog posts i sound like a crazy obssesed woman! 
i promise i play it cool in real life guys haha

Surrounded by people

surrounded by people yet i feel so alone
this is so strange
i dont know what to think of it
maybe i should cherish this alone time and work on self improvement
but its a lonely world
i hate changes
it was a big change
and now im alone

hmmm people really do change.

college changed people. maybe there revealed their true self or maybe they felt the need to conform? 

such a shame as some people i once knew have changed for the worst.

drunken behaviour seems to be encouraged and praised.
it appears to be more of a taboo if one isnt having casual sex at college/uni
how strange everything seems.
never thought i would find myself in this position - being in the minority.
but if i am happy then surely im doing something right?


why is he being so sly and inconsiderate about this whole situation!!! for fucks sake, its pissing me off. i cant say anything to him though as everyone is entitled to their own opinion but my God he is one cheeky little fucker!!!!

let people make their own minds up rather than lying to them and manipulating them into seeing your P.o.V! OMG OMG OMG i just want to throttle you sometimes....

lest i remain cool calm and collected. as per. i dont get it anymore

oops now its awkward

so there was a guy
we met at uni, we were friends for a few weeks. i only wanted a friendship, wasnt attracted to him in anyway. he got possessive and needy and clingy.

im not flirty girl, im not a tease, i never been one who likes attention as a i feel overly self conscious. 

it got weird, he started drawing me roses and pictures of weird lovey-dovey things

i started seeing him less. he didnt like it. i just wanted to be friends and now we have nothing.

why?  :( 

rant rant rant

omg people just piss me off sometimes!!!!! 

why do people get worked up about such small, insignificant things. why do people just want to argue and make their small silly issues known to the world. ahh this pisses me off so much.

i know everyone rants about their parents and complain about their parents dont understand them, or wont let them do what they want blah blah but im not complaining about that. my parents just like to nit-pick at everything i do and just seem to be able fault in all i do?

this is sooo annoying!!!! luckily im quite a headstrong person and so i can just ignore their stupid comments but at times it just really wares me down and i cant stand it omg!!!

im so ready to move out from home, although it will be scary i think it couldnt have come at a better time!!!! 


Bitches be bitchin'

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confused confused confused

hmm my mind is going crazy what is going on? 
weird thoughts
lost all cares 
want to be free
want to meet people
let me do something different before i run out of time

what is this?


so yeah.

nothing much is happening. dont really know what to do.

supposedly im depressed, i have no clue. have no idea who to talk to, but even when things are going good, it still seems crap.
this probably makes no sense. i dont even get it?

i just want to crawl under a rock right now and forever.

hello world

wahhhhh its been so long! sorry world! 

life has been crazy busy lately :( none of it good unfortunately. 
with a death in the family everything gets that little bit harder, the thought of never seeing them again, never hearing their laugh, never listening to their stories, never taking a photo with them, never watching tv with them, never having a meal with them, never chatting on the phone with them is something i am finding hard to come to terms with.

i was in her flat a few days after her death sorting some stuff out for the funeral and it was possibly one of the hardest things i have done. 

i found her glasses, an unfinished book, an unopened perfume, some half used make up, some of her favourite foods, some of the cooking in the fridge and more. i just cant believe she is gone. not here anymore. not alive.

will i ever get over this loss? :( 
you hear about people dying everyday yet it had never dawned on me how hard it is to accept it, to carry on with daily life for the sake of others and to not let grief and sadness consume one. 

its all beautiful

you just gotta keep your chin up - words that got me through today with a smile on my face.

i am stressed out and if you were in my shoes you probably would be too but for once im still happy!

i've been forcing myself to change and i guess the results are positive - albeit slow!!

i am excited for the future, excited for change, excited to leave the people i know who are stuck in their ways and refuse to change. i am most excited to get away from the people that live to please others and to climb the 'social ladder'. i just dont need/want you in my life, yet you grace me with your presence every day (!)

lets be positive because we have only got one life so why make it miserable ey! 


ahh shit

its now become my habit once again
like a tally chart across my ribs the scars build up. 

i finally told someone who may be able to help me today. being able to realise that i needed help was the hardest thing for my to accept as i dont want to be pitied. it was a relief though i must admit. 


what to do?

i fee like im outgrowing my friends a bit. this is not to say i think im better than them but at times i just feel like such an outcast in the group. these people are supposed to be my closet friends but somehow i just feel like im never myself around them...
however no one knows the real me yet.

i do love them and they are great people but sometimes i just feel that they dont get me. 

then i see other groups of friends and wonder what it would be like if i could be friends with them. would it be different? would i prefer it? is it a risk worth taking?

i have one year of school/college left until i start university. i am hoping that will be a fresh start, to meet new people and move on with my life in a direction i want it to. but there is always that thought of what i have missed out on? isnt it always nice to have those school friends? this is not to say that i have no true friends but i just wonder sometimes..

things happen for a reason is my philosophy so maybe something will? or maybe it wont?

it gets me down sometimes but hey this issue does seem pretty ridiculous as soo many people are way worse off than me. hmmm 

1-20 of 26 Blogs   

Previous Posts
over it, posted October 21st, 2014
it hurts, posted October 21st, 2014
steal my sunshine, posted October 20th, 2014
another day over, posted October 13th, 2014
today, posted October 10th, 2014
its all a bit weird, posted October 10th, 2014
(8), posted May 11th, 2014
haha oops!, posted February 16th, 2014
Surrounded by people, posted January 5th, 2014
hmmm people really do change., posted December 8th, 2013
PEOPLE ARE SO SLY, posted November 30th, 2013, 2 comments
oops now its awkward, posted October 26th, 2013, 2 comments
rant rant rant, posted September 9th, 2013, 2 comments
******* be bitchin', posted June 14th, 2013
confused, posted April 8th, 2013, 2 comments
sooo, posted March 7th, 2013
hello world, posted January 10th, 2013
its all beautiful, posted November 3rd, 2012
ohhh, posted October 16th, 2012
what to do?, posted October 8th, 2012
just a rant, posted September 24th, 2012
oh dear, posted September 1st, 2012
reaching my goals, posted August 8th, 2012
time for change, posted August 2nd, 2012
save me from me, posted July 31st, 2012
scars never disappear., posted July 25th, 2012, 2 comments
our reality is so fake, posted July 23rd, 2012

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