i need to get a grip!
from reading my past few blog posts i sound like a crazy obssesed woman!
i promise i play it cool in real life guys haha
OMG I HAVE SUCH A MASSIVE CRUSH ON HIM!
he is so sweet, kind, funny, cheeky, friendly, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
we are friends, we went out, we had a few drinks, everyone was tipsy and we kissed! kissed the night away (bleurgh sorry for getting all soppy! *CRINGE*) hahaha oh well i dont care!
aww he is just so lovely!
but the morning after came and i dont know whether he just wants to be friends or not. how is a person supposed to tell?! i hope we arent just friends, because every time i see him i wish the world was just made up of us two, i want to hug him, i want to kiss him, i want him to want me as more than a friend now.
such a cliché i know! but it is what it is?
maybe i will just have to mask my feelings
i hope i dont, i've never felt THIS way about someone.
does that make a difference?
i just want him so badly it hurts!!
completely smitten with an older man, much older. The whole situation is inappropriate and will only ever be a fantasy in my head!
I am the student, he is the teacher whom is married...with several young children.
He is just so wise and intelligent, humerous, funny, sarcastic, kind, understanding, has a slight 'i dont give a shit' attitude yet he cares so much about the important things. arghhhhhh
ever since i layed eyes on him i knew...i knew nothing would EVER come of it. as much as i would love more i could never let it happen. what kind of person would that make me if i said otherwise?
surrounded by people yet i feel so alone
this is so strange
i dont know what to think of it
maybe i should cherish this alone time and work on self improvement
but its a lonely world
i hate changes
it was a big change
and now im alone
college changed people. maybe there revealed their true self or maybe they felt the need to conform?
such a shame as some people i once knew have changed for the worst.
drunken behaviour seems to be encouraged and praised.
it appears to be more of a taboo if one isnt having casual sex at college/uni
how strange everything seems.
never thought i would find myself in this position - being in the minority.
but if i am happy then surely im doing something right?
why is he being so sly and inconsiderate about this whole situation!!! for fucks sake, its pissing me off. i cant say anything to him though as everyone is entitled to their own opinion but my God he is one cheeky little fucker!!!!
let people make their own minds up rather than lying to them and manipulating them into seeing your P.o.V! OMG OMG OMG i just want to throttle you sometimes....
lest i remain cool calm and collected. as per. i dont get it anymore
so there was a guy
we met at uni, we were friends for a few weeks. i only wanted a friendship, wasnt attracted to him in anyway. he got possessive and needy and clingy.
im not flirty girl, im not a tease, i never been one who likes attention as a i feel overly self conscious.
it got weird, he started drawing me roses and pictures of weird lovey-dovey things
i started seeing him less. he didnt like it. i just wanted to be friends and now we have nothing.
omg people just piss me off sometimes!!!!!
why do people get worked up about such small, insignificant things. why do people just want to argue and make their small silly issues known to the world. ahh this pisses me off so much.
i know everyone rants about their parents and complain about their parents dont understand them, or wont let them do what they want blah blah but im not complaining about that. my parents just like to nit-pick at everything i do and just seem to be able fault in all i do?
this is sooo annoying!!!! luckily im quite a headstrong person and so i can just ignore their stupid comments but at times it just really wares me down and i cant stand it omg!!!
im so ready to move out from home, although it will be scary i think it couldnt have come at a better time!!!!
BRING ON THE FUTURE
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confused confused confused
hmm my mind is going crazy what is going on?
lost all cares
want to be free
want to meet people
let me do something different before i run out of time
what is this?
nothing much is happening. dont really know what to do.
supposedly im depressed, i have no clue. have no idea who to talk to, but even when things are going good, it still seems crap.
this probably makes no sense. i dont even get it?
i just want to crawl under a rock right now and forever.
wahhhhh its been so long! sorry world!
life has been crazy busy lately :( none of it good unfortunately.
with a death in the family everything gets that little bit harder, the thought of never seeing them again, never hearing their laugh, never listening to their stories, never taking a photo with them, never watching tv with them, never having a meal with them, never chatting on the phone with them is something i am finding hard to come to terms with.
i was in her flat a few days after her death sorting some stuff out for the funeral and it was possibly one of the hardest things i have done.
i found her glasses, an unfinished book, an unopened perfume, some half used make up, some of her favourite foods, some of the cooking in the fridge and more. i just cant believe she is gone. not here anymore. not alive.
will i ever get over this loss? :(
you hear about people dying everyday yet it had never dawned on me how hard it is to accept it, to carry on with daily life for the sake of others and to not let grief and sadness consume one.
you just gotta keep your chin up - words that got me through today with a smile on my face.
i am stressed out and if you were in my shoes you probably would be too but for once im still happy!
i've been forcing myself to change and i guess the results are positive - albeit slow!!
i am excited for the future, excited for change, excited to leave the people i know who are stuck in their ways and refuse to change. i am most excited to get away from the people that live to please others and to climb the 'social ladder'. i just dont need/want you in my life, yet you grace me with your presence every day (!)
lets be positive because we have only got one life so why make it miserable ey!
its now become my habit once again
like a tally chart across my ribs the scars build up.
i finally told someone who may be able to help me today. being able to realise that i needed help was the hardest thing for my to accept as i dont want to be pitied. it was a relief though i must admit.
i fee like im outgrowing my friends a bit. this is not to say i think im better than them but at times i just feel like such an outcast in the group. these people are supposed to be my closet friends but somehow i just feel like im never myself around them...
however no one knows the real me yet.
i do love them and they are great people but sometimes i just feel that they dont get me.
then i see other groups of friends and wonder what it would be like if i could be friends with them. would it be different? would i prefer it? is it a risk worth taking?
i have one year of school/college left until i start university. i am hoping that will be a fresh start, to meet new people and move on with my life in a direction i want it to. but there is always that thought of what i have missed out on? isnt it always nice to have those school friends? this is not to say that i have no true friends but i just wonder sometimes..
things happen for a reason is my philosophy so maybe something will? or maybe it wont?
it gets me down sometimes but hey this issue does seem pretty ridiculous as soo many people are way worse off than me. hmmm
yes yes yes we all know you love yourself!
wow i never knew you could be that selfish. the whole world doesnt revolve around you and your petty problems!
FFS get over yourself, your stupid problems are not the end of the world! how can you not realise that there are countless people with serious problems. your ignorance and selfishness astounds me at times! do you know what its like to care about anyone else?
how time can change a person...
...such a shame.
the world is a shame.
its happened again, felt great when i know it shouldnt have.
6months free and now i am back at bloody square one again.
scars will heal but they never disappear. great...
oh dear, why oh why oh why. i just dont understand myself at all
feeling so good
everything is working out so well and all i had to do was change myself :D
however, i've started to notice that people will only talk to you and be nice to you if they want something. and yes i know people have always said this but i would have never have thought it would be the people who i considered closet to me? hmm its sort of disappointing really or am i just being to needy? i do thoroughly enjoy my own company but sometimes when you need a change everyone is suddenly too busy its like ahhhhh fuck it then.
hmmm sometimes its all just a waste at the end of day. its best not to think too much into situations. i guess everything will work out in the end but is that always true?
i really want to lose some weight. not a drastic amount and not it a ridiculous time fr
i have limited my food intake and thats fine. saying no to eating is becoming easier but i just dont have motivation to exercise. i always find an excuse not to and its so frustrating. i know i basically answered my question as i know the problem but still!
anyway this was more of a rant then an interesting blog post! x
completely describes how i feel right now.
so lonely, so isolated, no motivation
arghhhhhhhh why i am so fucked! i just need to some motivation, why dont i have in inside of me to get up my ass and go do something useful.
i wish i was someone else sometimes, but hey i guess we all make our own luck.
if i want to see a change i have to make a change.
Previous Postshaha oops!, posted February 16th, 2014
that guy, posted February 13th, 2014
oh no!, posted January 21st, 2014
Surrounded by people, posted January 5th, 2014
hmmm people really do change., posted December 8th, 2013
PEOPLE ARE SO SLY, posted November 30th, 2013, 2 comments
oops now its awkward, posted October 26th, 2013, 2 comments
rant rant rant, posted September 9th, 2013, 2 comments
******* be bitchin', posted June 14th, 2013
confused, posted April 8th, 2013, 2 comments
sooo, posted March 7th, 2013
hello world, posted January 10th, 2013
its all beautiful, posted November 3rd, 2012
ohhh, posted October 16th, 2012
what to do?, posted October 8th, 2012
just a rant, posted September 24th, 2012
oh dear, posted September 1st, 2012
reaching my goals, posted August 8th, 2012
time for change, posted August 2nd, 2012
save me from me, posted July 31st, 2012
scars never disappear., posted July 25th, 2012, 2 comments
our reality is so fake, posted July 23rd, 2012
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